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What Is A Relationship? (09/09/2020)
• Many times we focus in on our own desires. "I want someone to think, feel, do, be, have [blank]."
But the thoughts, feelings, bodies, and experiences of another are their own to control. It is not our place to impose our will upon them.
I choose to identify with the constructiveness inherent to each person, rather than try to make them conform to a fantasy in my own head. We can let them be who they actually are without sacrificing our own values.
Differences are not necessarily a measure of incompatibility if our strengths are complementary and we are working on the same goals together. Each of us is whole and contributes something to the whole.
Expressing a concern for another is different from manipulating with guilt, and making a request of someone is different from attempting to control them. For example:
"I need loyalty, and to me it is expressed by [blank]. What does it mean to you?"
"You should do [blank] because that's what loyalty is."
One approach leads to honesty and openeness, while the other leads to secretiveness and assumption. How can we trust in what we do not really know?
• Many times we focus in on the desires of others. "Maybe they would like me if I thought, felt, did, was, had [blank]?"
Does this questioning help us to become more clear on who we are and why we do what we do?
If not, conforming to something that we do not believe just to get something that we are not even sure that we want is a compromise. It does not lead to a feeling of fulfillment, no matter how much we might try to invest ourselves in it.
One's identity is not defined by the experiences they've had, and people are not necessarily equivalent to the labels that are placed upon them.
I choose to understand the constructivenss within myself, and to humbly share it with others without inhibition. I do not crave acceptance or attention, but engage in communication for the sake of mutual growth.
Relationships are this balance between self and other. What a joy it is to be comfortable in who we are and accepting of those around us.
• Cether - First Of All
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