Let's Learn Together - Lean On Me by Solomon

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	Full Title:	Lean On Me The Power of Positive Dependency in Intimate Relationships
	Author(s):	Marion F. Solomon, Ph.D.
	Publishing / Edition:	Simon & Schuster, 1994

Click here for the Table of Contents of the book

11

15

21

Chapter 1.

23

No Man or Woman Is an Island 26
Hungry for Love 29
Is This Virtual Reality? 30
Listening and Responding Creatively to Dependency Needs 31
Taking the Pathology Out of Relationships 36
Randi: Who Will Be There for Me? 37
Loosening the Chains of the Past 39
Relationship Busting in the Age of Codependence 40
Profile of Codependence 41
Am I a Positive Dependent? 43
The Survival of Love 44

Chapter 2.

46

A Self of One's Own 48
The Spectrum of Dependency: A Graph 50
The Evolution of Our Dependency Needs 51
Understanding Your Imprints for Relating 52
Russian Dolls 53
Imprint for Primary Bonding 54
Imprint for Emotional Sharing 58
Imprint for Bridging Connections 59
Imprint for Mature Dependence 60
When Imprints Fail 62
Signs of Positive Dependency 68
Signs of Destructive Codependency 69
Knowing When Your Imprints Lead to Codependent Relationships 70

73

The Ten Rules for Positive Dependency 75

Chapter 3.

77

Romantic Love 77
Lawrence: Lifelong Fears 79
Back to Basics 80
The Origins for Codependency 82
Passion and Chaos 83
The Hope for Repair 87
The Courage to Love and Heal 89

Chapter 4.

92

The Transfer of Emotions 96
Whose Life Is It Anyway? 97
Breaking a Codependent Pattern Is Difficult 98
Carrie and Jim: When Feelings Are Like Hot Potatoes 98
Emotional Scenario 101
We Are All "Adult Children" 102
The Emotional Quadrant 104
Alice and Eric: Taming the Monster 106

Chapter 5.

117

Does Gender Affect Imprints? 119
Adult Bridges 121
Turning Differences Into Resources 124
Turing Similarities Into Weapons 125
When Bridging Needs Create Problems 128
Emotional Scenario 129
Bridges to the World 130
Turning Tragedy Into a Positive Bridge 130
Surrogate Connections 130
Ed: Bridging Away 132
Betty and Gary: Building Separate Bridges 136
"I Just Want to Be Wanted" 140
New Beginnings 142

Chapter 6.

145

Strides Toward Independence 147
When Your Imprint for Mature Dependence Is Impaired 148
When Your Imprint for Mature Dependence Is Operative 149
Gender and Mature Dependence 149
The Shift in Women's Roles 151
Pitfalls of the Imprint for Mature Dependence 152
Scott and Rhea: A Marriage of Approach and Avoidance 153
Adultified Children 159
Mature Dependence - The Pathway to Intimacy 160
Emotional Scenario 161
Isolation Man 162
Marie and Tony: Keepers of the Family Secret 163
Separateness and Togetherness 173

175

Chapter 7.

177

Gender and Sexuality 179
Sexual Conflicts and Underlying Imprints 181
Effect of the Earliest Imprints on Sex 183
Healing Sexual Trauma 188
Mel and Amanda: Mutuality and Sexuality 189
Sexual Dysfunction and Imprint Distortions 190
Sexual Circuitry 193
Bob and Louise: Lack of Sexual Desire 194
Obsessions, Violence, and Emotional Chaos 196
How to Tell If Your Lover Is Obsessed 198
When an Abuser Recognizes the Danger 200
Emotional Attunement and Sexual Connection 202
Sexual Bridges vs. Sexual Perversion 204
Power Struggles 205
Is It Independence or Defensive Distancing? 206
Defensive Distancing 208
Good Sex and Willing Dependency 209

Chapter 8.

211

Imprint Literacy 214
The Meaning Behind the Message 215
Exercising the Muscles of Positive Dependency 217
Affirmations for Positive Dependency 217
The Language of Hurt, Need, and Dependency 218
Mixed Messages 221
Don't Come Close; Don't Go Away 223
Narrations 228
Doug's Cat: Choosing Your Battles 229
What Makes People Willing to Respond to Each Other? 231
Primary Emotions 232
Sherry: Feeling Abandoned, Acting Angry 233
Larry and Jane 235
Feeling-Level Communication 237
Talk to Me 238
Thinking About Feelings 240
Mending Our Failures 242
Creative Dependency 243
We Choose Our Partners for a Reason 244

Chapter 9.

246

A Model for Safe Vulnerability 252
Seeking Help 254
To Do or Not to Do 256
Healing Core Wounds 257
Renewing Our Contract at Different Stages 259

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269

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