"They twain shall be one flesh.""The love of one alone of the opposite sex is the jewel of human life, the inner sanctuary of tne Christian religion, and the fundamental of all loves, because its cause is from the universal marriage of love (female) with wisdom (male) - originating in the character of the Creator and therefore stamped upon every created thing - and into this love are collected all joys, delights and pleasures from first to last, all blessedness here and hereafter."
PrefaceThis book is the voice of a doctor - striking for your health by the shortest, surest route - never apologizing for the all-wise Creator who made woman beautiful and man passionate.
A Few Opinions"I can offer no criticism. Enough that it helps me, and that I can keep it moving." - Lady in England.
IntroductionThe month of September, 1893, spent in careful study of the great Columbian Exposition at Chicago, brought me into contact with many people worth describing, but one man, who opened his heart to me, showed me greater treasures than all other men or nations displayed.
Chapter 1 - The Old Man's StoryThis sparkle and blaze, grander by far than anything I ever dreamed of seeing on earth, points me to that glory beyond, which I must look upon soon - if ever. I am eighty years old, and I lay last night pondering over the past, reaching out towards the future, wondering whether I could leave the world some warning from my mistakes, thinking I could die easier if I told my whole story just as I must, in a few short hours, face the record before the judgment seat.
Chapter 2 - The Alphabet of LoveOne evening just after supper our old family physician dropped in for a brief call, but found a "case" which kept him busy till near midnight - no disease of body, but as he at first declared "two very unsound minds."
|Lust is:||Love is:|
|1. Hell, a getting||1. Heaven, a giving|
|2. Selfish, demon-like||2. Devoted, angelic|
|3. Blasphemous, beastly||3. Prayerful, spiritual|
|4. Polygamous, adulterous||4. Monogamous, conjugal|
|5. Thoughtless, rude, coarse||5. Considerate, gentle, refined|
|6. Petty, cowardly, bullying||6. Noble, brave, protecting|
|7. Distrustful, secretive, prudish (or obscene)||7. Frank, confiding fully, nude freedom|
|8. Joking, headstrong, obstinate||8. Studious, obliging, yielding|
|9. Vain, boastful, domineering||9. Humble, modest, helpful|
|10. Fault-finding, sarcastic, cruel||10. Praising, excusing, magnanimous|
|11. Scorns pet names, or uses them irreverently and hypocritically||11. Finds no words tender and holy enough to express deep feelings|
|12. Self-conscious, stingy, lazy (but sometimes a "hustler" instead)||12. Self-forgetful, generous, industrious (yet not over-ambitious)|
|13. Regards wife from other women - as their inferior - warm alike to all||13. Regards other women as sisters, through wife's eyes, as though wife always present|
|14. Eyes much averted, avoids walking or sitting near wife, especially in public||14. Sees eye to eye, greatest pleasure by wife's side or footstool (no "club-man")|
|15. Unites bodies only briefly and imperfectly because estranges souls||15. Unites soul, mind, then body - physcial delight increases|
|16. Demands sexual indulgence even when wife is unwilling||16. Waits on wife's disability, never uses slightest compulsion|
|17. Impetuous, precipitate, physical fury in coition, seminal discharge premature, wife cheated||17. Calm ecstasy, reaching climax togeter, wife's ardor genuine and fully satisfied|
|18. Aversion follows embrace, often weakness and loathing, usually turns back to back||18. Greater reverence and tenderness follows, cannot turn the back after such pure pleasure|
|19. Scorns "passive union" as passionless, impossible or harmful||19. Passive union welcomed, frequent, blissful, often preferable|
|20. Scorns "soul union" as sentimental and absurd - "never saw any soul!"||20. Soul union thrilling even when bodies are miles apart|
|21. Scorns union with Divine Bridegroom as "too pious and ghostly"||21. Accepts celibacy when best, happy as "Bride of the Lamb"|
|22. Personal pleasure real object in life, wife made a slave to self-gratification||22. Wife's pleasure the earthly object of life, feeling her delight as his own|
Chapter 3 - Philosophy of LoveNearly a week passed before we saw the genial doctor again, but he came then before supper was well over, and this time he brought a number of sheets of paper each headed with a question. Here they are, yellow with age and containing also the substance of the answers as I hurriedly wrote them down while we discussed what ought to be said.
Chapter 4 - Love's Descent To Physical PlaneDr.: 8. But now did I understand you that in wedlock the physical pleasure can be restored? If you can really give back to the jaded and half-paralyzed their potency, virility and passion of youth, your spiritual temple will soon be crowded, and nine-tenths of the sins against marriage vows will cease.
Chapter 5 - Woman's Queenly RuleDr.: The power of woman over man, what about that? Is her queenship mere poetry?
Chapter 6 - Love's Best UltimationHusband: Not any more sensual than when conception is desired, provided love is its origin and object. Passive union is always abundantly satisfactory, when once the spirit has trained the flesh till it is under perfect control, but habitual enjoyment of this calm, dreamy ecstacy, in quiet physical conjunction, does not forbid climax or orgasm whenever both prefer. (Any reader who needs still more explicit application of these principles to his or her peculiar conditions, is at liberty to write the author - address in back. Many pages were written but omitted from this book, because the general public is not yet prepared to accept the full light - secrets of sex which physicians and specialists have discovered by long experience.) Coition may be very pure and spiritual even though conception is prevented by confining it to that portion of the month most remote from the menses, for the semen has another use to perform than that of impregnation. It is not a vile excretion as some imagine, but is the purest and most vital fluid of the body, and may be said to contain the soul of the husband. If this soul-bearing fluid begets a child it has performed one of its holy offices, but if no conception takes place there is no waste - unless it is washed away as something unclean - for it enters into the life of the wife as truly as milk into the life of the babe. It is by means of this most precious elixir that the maiden finds herself rapidly becoming "one flesh" with her husband. The true wife longs to receive this pure stream from the inner life of the husband because she feels a want, a soul hunger, thereby supplied. Yet she could not explain why satisfaction comes with its abundance, and you medical men will probably laugh at this assertion as utterly beyond your slow-going chemistry.
Chapter 7 - Better BirthsDr.: Well now, perhaps you can look deeper than I and tell your prospective spiritual husbands how to control the sex of their children. I know a man with several girls who would give a small fortune to know how to bring a boy into the world.
Chapter 8 - The Wife's AccountI preserved also a letter which my wife wrote to her younger sister and which will tell my story better than I could do it. This sister had become desperate and thought divorce or at least separation the only way to settle the differences between herself and husband, but they were persuaded to both make an honest and intelligent effort to harmonize, and they are yet living together in beautiful devotion to each other, though of course now well advanced in years. The letter is partly descriptive of our home life as it appeared a few years after our second marriage - or second birth as I generally consider it.
Chapter 9 - The Bible: A Practical GuideIn our struggle to know and walk in the true conjugal pathway, we made much use of the Bible, studying it together, and clipping from an old copy the texts that were of help to us. These we pasted to the head of sheets of paper and preserved with comments from the city preacher who first roused me from the bondage of passion. From these notes I will recall as much as possible of the conversation we had with him upon a special visit for the purpose.
Chapter 10 - Drifting Apart: Its CausesBecause, said the old man, some may need this subject presented in a more formal manner in order to grasp it clearly, I should like now to have you crowd into your book two divisions of that plain lecture which arrested me in my descent toward hell: "Drifting Apart: Its Causes" and "Lost Love Restored." The lecturer said:
Chapter 11 - Lost Love RestoredIf so many differences are at work to separate husband and wife, how can we hope for unity and happiness in wedlock? Why not cut down all legal and social barriers and allow men and women to associate according to the good pleasure of the hour? We may answer in brief because it would mean extinction of the race. Savages may so live, but never a people of large brain and largely developed nervous system - as the history of Greece, Rome, Babylon, etc., shows.
Chapter 12 - Courtship and TemptationI will burden you further only with two glimpses at the results of the new ideals of marriage in the training of our own children. They learned to put the fullest confidence in us as to all love affairs, and they were tested with temptation commensurate with their clearer instruction. They could have no motive for concealment, for we left them entirely free in making the choice, free indeed in all matters of courtship - treating cordially even those companions whom we could not approve. We gave much attention to making our home attractive and free to them, so that about all of the mating was done almost under our eye. Music, games, refreshments, and even the square dances were encouraged so long as home was made the center, and late hours and all excesses were avoided. We believe it the privilege and duty of all parents to provide as wide a circuit as possible from which life-partners may be chosen. But freedom without guidance is harmful, therefore we gave our children the fullest, most minute instruction as to the proper steps and ordering of courtship, and rejoiced with them at every successful move. Many of our conversations I could reproduce, but most of the principles have already been sufficiently discussed. I will mention one little grief:
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